


In The Dark Of Night

by Anna_Rose17



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Fluff, Fluff, M/M, USUK - Freeform, brotherly amecan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-05-24 22:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6169345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_Rose17/pseuds/Anna_Rose17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfred F. Jones has a lot of responsibility being a personification. Unfortunately, the other nations expect so much from him and expect to be let down. What will happen when Alfred breaks down in a meeting and needs the one person he trust most in the world?</p><p>Also, one more thing, this is really angsty and it could be triggering to some people. Please be careful if you read it.</p><p>I do not own Hetalia nor will I ever. Characters go to their owners.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meltdown

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Welcome to In The Dark Of Night. You can also check out my other story, 6 Months. It's a High School Au UsUk fic. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

Alfred’s POV

I’ve been feeling fed up with the World Meetings recently. I hate that I have great ideas but I can’t get the words out of my mouth. I’m so young compared to most of them. I don’t have the experience to help the world get better. Francis, Arthur, and Yao all are wiser than me. Hell even Feliciano has more experience than me. All I am to them is a military supply house, not a country with actual ideas that could help humanity.  
Though I suppose this is my fault. It may not seem like it, but I actually have severe stage fright. When I stand up in front of everybody, my mind supplies stupid crap instead of my actual ideas. I just wished they could understand.  
\---Time Skip To The Meeting---  
As I walked to the conference room, I felt my nerves build up. I was supposed to present today, and while I had my idea all planned out, I was nervous about presenting it. “Oh, hello Mr. America.” I hear a voice say. I turn around and see Toris smiling at me. “Hey Lithuania. Dude, I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s it going?” I ask, nerves subsiding for a bit. “I’ve been doing well. I will be going to Poland’s house after this meeting. He said he wants to catch up. I do have to meet him now. I can’t wait to see your presentation.” Toris said before scampering off to Feliks.  
I walked into the conference room and felt my nerves come back. The room had recently installed a SMART board, like the kind in classrooms, to assist countries while they present. this made me feel a bit better because, even if I couldn’t get the words out, everyone would be able to see what my idea is. I sat down in my seat, in between Arthur and Francis. “Oh, hello Alfred. So you are presenting today? Try not to make it an utter failure.” Arthur said, looking up from his notes as I sat down. His words made me flinch but I put on my hero face and laughed it off. “How could it be a failure? I am the hero of course! And heroes don’t fail.”  
Francis rolled his eyes and looked over to see how Arthur would respond. “You know, I believe that Amérique, is right. Heroes don’t make mistakes so clearly he isn’t one.” I shrank into my chair as Francis said that. I didn’t reply to what he said and just let the two of them get into a fight. “EVERYONE SHUT UP! WE HAVE CREATED A SYSTEM FOR WHO WILL PRESENT! NOW, YOU ALL NEED TO SIT DOWN AND BE QUIET SO THAT WE CAN BEGIN THIS MEETING! America, you are the first presenter.” Ludwig shouted before sitting back down.  
I stood up and walked over the the projector. I hooked my computer up and started the presentation. I felt my hands shake as I walked in front of the group of countries. “Ok! So, I was thinking that instead of...instead of…” I felt myself slip and put my notes down. “You know what? I’m just gonna leave this up on the board and if any of you actually give a shit about what I have to say, you can read it.” I started the presentation and began to walk out of the room.  
“Hey! Where are you going, you wanker!” Arthur shouted from his seat. “Where am I going? Heh, it sounds like you care!” I started to laugh. As I said, I’m just a supply room to them. I wish Arthur cared. His opinion is the one I hold higher than anyone else's, but he doesn’t. “I care when you seem like you’re going mad. Now what is this about us not caring?” Arthur walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off and looked him in the eye. “You don’t! I know it so you can stop pretending! I have good ideas, but I have so much trouble expressing them that they come out as some stupid bullshit! I try to give my ideas to you guys instead of speaking them but you all turn them down because I can’t present! And you know what? I could die for all you care and all you would think would be, ‘Hmm, well he didn’t have anything to contribute anyway!’. So yeah, I’m leaving. You can finish the meeting without me!”  
I stormed out the door and slammed it behind me. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and walked into the bathroom down the hall. “They don’t care. None of them.” I say, splashing my face with water. I sat down next the the sink and put my head in my hands. I let the tears fall and before I knew it I was sobbing into my hands.  
“You are wrong, you know.” Someone said and I turned to see Matthew sitting next to me. “I care. I wish I had your ability to be seen, but I also understand that it feels like crap.” Matthew said softly before pulling me into a hug. “You may feel like the entire world is against you, but I will always be your brother. Also, I made sure that they are looking through the presentation. Luckily, Francis can still see me.”  
“Thanks Mattie bro. I do wish I had it like you do. No one can say anything bad about you, you come off as super nice and polite without trying and you don’t have to deal with so much pressure to be perfect.” I say into Matthew’s shirt. “It still sucks not being seen. Well come on! Let’s get out of this bathroom and go play Halo at your place!” Matthew says, pulling me up. “That sounds like a great idea.”


	2. Discussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Happy Saturday! I wrote this up on Wednesday(? Maybe Tuesday, IDK) and have been editing all week. I hope you guys enjoy.

Arthur’s POV  
I felt my heart shatter as Alfred ran out. I sat back down in my seat and put my head in my hands. “Mon ami, I-” Francis began. “Don’t you even dare say anything! It’s because of us that America feels like we don’t care! So don’t you even dare pay attention to me right now!” I growled.   
“Mr.England is correct! We never gave him any chance to explain. We expected him to present, we didn’t pay attention to his notes.” Kiku added. Ludwig walked up to the projector and started to flip through the presentation. “He had some amazing ideas. These ideas seem to have some serious scientific research behind them to back them up.” The presentation showed machines that would limit the uses of non-reusable energy sources, used environmentally friendly parts and would not cost that much money to make.   
“Ve~ Will America be ok after everything we’ve done?” Feliciano asked, looking up at Ludwig. “I don’t know. We’ve pushed him to the point of breaking. That could cause emotional trauma.” Ludwig said, sitting back down.  
I started to sob into my hands. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting Alfred to such an extent. When he left, his rage seemed directed at me. I know I did say a few rude comments, but why would he care that much when Francis, Yao, Ivan and everybody else said so much worse? Does he...does he still care? The thought made me sob harder and I barely noticed the other countries leave, aside from Ludwig, Kiku, Feliciano, Francis, Yao and Ivan.   
“I know this is difficult for you, but we do need to focus.” Yao said, shaking my shoulder. I looked around and noticed that everyone else had left. “What can we do?” I whisper. “Not we, Angleterre, you” Francis said. “It’s clear that he was hurt by you the most. While it is true we insulted him the most, it was your comments that hurt him the most.”   
I hated to admit that the damn frog was right, but he was thinking exactly what I was. This was my fault. “What can I do? There’s no way I can make it up to him! I hurt him as a child by leaving him alone and I hurt him now by underestimating him! I can’t hurt him again! The best I can do is stay away!” I scream, letting my emotions run wild.   
I closed my eyes and almost started to cry again when I felt a sharp pain in my right cheek. I opened my eyes to see Ivan standing in front of me with a cold glare in his eyes. “While I do not regret anything I said about Amerika, I’m his enemy. I’m the one who gets to hurt him, not you. You are supposed to help him and if you are so stupid that you think you should stay away, it’s no surprise he left you. So you’ll go talk to him, da?”   
I gaped at the tall Russian in front of me. “You knew. You knew, didn’t you? You knew about America’s intelligence.” I asked. I looked back on all of the times that Ivan insulted Alfred, and while they spanned across a variety of topics, including, but not limited to, his weight, his ego, the way he ran his country etc., not once did Ivan insult his intelligence “Da, I knew. During the Cold War, specifically the race to space, I found out that Amerika designed most of his rockets.” Ivan said before sitting down.  
The rest of the countries started at Ivan before looking back at me. “Well, I think we know what you need to do.” Yao said. I looked up at him. “What?” Yao smirked. “You’re going to spend time with him until he realizes that we appreciate him.”   
I stood up, looking around at the other countries. “While America is very smart. he is very stubborn. He’s never seen other people’s point of view. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it will be hard to show him we care.” I paused to think about ways that I could get through to him, Suddenly, Feliciano clapped his hands. “Ve~I know!” Feli got up and whispered something in Francis’ ear. Francis started to smile and whispered something back. Feliciano nodded and walked back over to his spot in between Ludwig and Kiku.   
“So France and I decided that the best way for you to get through to him is to act like you did before he left, just without you leaving so much. Show him that you care, like he’s your little brother still.” Feliciano smiled and looked up at Ludwig, seeking approval. I felt a tang in my heart at the words ‘little brother’. I don’t know why, but I didn’t want Alfred to be that. I wanted him to be more.   
I shook it off and replied. “So are you sure that will work?” I asked. France looked at me and rolled his eyes. “Non, we can’t. But currently it is the best plan that we have.” I nodded, still a bit out of it from sobbing. “So, that means you should get going.” Francis said slowly. “I don’t think that Mr. England is in the best place right now. He can go over tomorrow. This will also give Mr. America some time to cool down.” Kiku said, glancing at my weak state.   
“I can drive him home.” Francis volunteered. I didn’t like the idea of us being in the small space of the car together, but it was my only option. Ludwig nodded before adding, “We’ll meet again in one week after England has spent time with America.It will be only the 7 of us.” He started to pack up his stuff, Kiku and Feliciano doing the same, and walked out. Yao and Ivan walked out together, heading to the airport to go back to their respective countries.   
“So Angleterre, I noticed your grimace when Italie said to treat Amérique like a little brother. You want him to be more, non?” Francis said, helping me pack up my papers. I wanted to curl up into a ball, but I swallowed my pride and nodded. “Well this will be the perfect time to make a move. There really isn’t a better way to show you care. Now, mon ami. let’s get you back home.” 

 

TRANSLATIONS:  
MON AMI - MY FRIEND (FRENCH)  
ANGLETERRE - ENGLAND (FRENCH)  
AMERIKA - AMERICA (RUSSIAN)  
DA - YES (RUSSIAN)  
NON - NO (FRENCH)   
ITALIE - ITALY (FRENCH)  
AMÈRIQUE - AMERICA (FRENCH)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, this will be updated on Saturdays and I decided that it will be up between 11:30am-2pm Eastern Time Zone.


	3. Starting To Recover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! So I've had a few crappy days recently. I lost someone who's been in my life for a long time, my computer broke and now I'm sick. But luckily, I typed this up and I'm spending the rest of the day binge watching a bunch of anime! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

Matthew’s POv

I was very worried for my brother. I’ve never seen Alfred in such a state of distress. I was also worried that he would be mad at me. I should have helped him, praised him when others didn’t. I just wish that I had seen the signs earlier.   
Alfred and I played Halo for 3 hours. He crushed me due to his experience with the game. Once he got the shot that finally ended our last round, he stood up and did a small dance. “Mattie bro, you need to get better at this game. I don’t want my brother to be a victim of TOTAL POWNAGE!” A;fred danced around for a bit until he stopped to yawn.   
“Damn, I didn’t realize how tired I am.” Alfred mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “You should go to sleep. It is 9 o’clock already. I’ll come back over tomorrow.” I said, standing up and stretching. “Ok! Thanks bro, you’re awesome!” Alfred said, hugging me. I hugged him back before letting him go and walking out.   
I walked over to my car and checked my phone for new messages. There were a ton.

Francis (Papa) 6:01 pm  
Is Amérique ok?

Francis (Papa) 6:05   
We’re going through his presentation, he has some amazing work. 

Francis (Papa) 6:09pm  
Angleterre is having a meltdown, he’s feeling very guilty. 

Francis (Papa) 6:31pm  
Meeting is done. Taking Angleterre home. He will be stopping by Amérique’s house tomorrow. Make sure they don’t kill each other, si’l vous plaÎt.

Gil 6:42pm  
WEST JUST TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED! IS AMERICA OK? 

Arthur 7:01pm  
Please tell America that I will be coming over tomorrow. Also, the meeting went well. YOur brother is very intelligent.

Arthur 7:03pm  
Oh, also, would you mind staying over with us tomorrow? At least for the first hour. 

I replied to the messages, keeping the conversation with Gilbert open. I made my way back home, and to make sure I stayed at least partially safe, I called Gilbert and put him on speaker in the front seat.   
“Hey Gil!” I said, keeping my eyes on the road. “Hallo meine Birdie! How is that brother of yours?” Gilbert said and I heard him shuffling around on his side of the call. “Oh I don’t even know! He sounded like he was feeling like total crap when he first broke down. I got him to calm down by playing a lot of Halo. He’s going to sleep now.” I said. Gil mumbled a sound of recognition. “Oh, so Arthur is going to stop by Alfred’s tomorrow. I don’t know what Francis is thinking, but he told me that Arthur should be helpful to Alfred’s mental health and I decided to trust him.” I said, stopping at a stop light.   
“I guess it makes sense though,” Gilbert said. “I mean, Arthur did raise him and you can’t deny the sexual tension that they share.” I paused, thinking over what Gil had just said. “What do you mean ‘sexual tension’?” I asked. It was one of those moments when I could hear Gil roll his eyes. “I mean, their arguing is never truly rage filled. Oh birdie, can you really not see it?”   
I looked back at Arthur and Alfred’s arguing and finally noticed the difference between the way they argue and the way that Francis and Arthur argue. “Huh, I guess you are right.” I pulled my car into my driveway. “Hey, I've got to let you go.” I said, taking the keys out of the ignition and placing the phone against my phone against my ear. “Ok, gute nacht, meine birdie.” Gilbert said. I smiled. “Bonne nuit, Gil.” I said before hanging up. I got myself ready for bed and fell asleep as soon my head hit the pillow. 

\---Time Skip and POV Change---  
Alfred’s POV   
I woke up in the morning feeling like shit. My head was pounding, my eyes were sore and I just overall felt like crap. I walked into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face before walking into the kitchen. I poured myself a bowl of cereal and got a glass of orange juice. I pulled out my phone and checked my messages.

Toris 6:20pm  
Mr. America are you ok?

Kiku 6:35pm  
Alfred-san, I am sorry about what happened. 

Francis 6:37pm  
First, I am sorry about what I’ve said about you. What happened is inexcusable and I'm sorry. Also, tomorrow, you will have a visitor and they will be staying for a bit. ;)

Missed Call From Arthur (1)

Missed Call From Arthur (2)

Arthur 7:42  
I’m so sorry! Please, answer your phone! Are you ok?

The calls and texts from Arthur confused me. Why would he care about me like that? And what does Francis mean by “there will be a visitor coming over tomorrow”? I decided that I would talk with him later. I walked into the bathroom to take a shower. I turned on the water and let it run down my back.  
I always felt better in the shower. I could collect my thoughts and I could tune out the rest of the world. I felt like I was in control. I washed my hair and scrubbed down the sweat from the other day. I stood under the stream for another few minutes. I finally got out of the shower and dried myself off. I slipped into some comfortable clothes and waited for Matthew to get here in the living room.   
I replied to all of the texts while I waited. Francis wouldn’t tell me what he meant, Arthur didn’t reply, Toris was very polite and made sure I was feeling ok before he had to go and I ended up talking with Kiku for a bit about Attack on Titan before Matthew got there.   
Matthew let himself into the house and plopped himself down on the couch next to me. “So did Francis tell you that Arthur is coming over today?” Matthew said, looking over at me. “What?! He just said that someone is coming over, he didn’t tell me who! And he said that they would be-NO! I can’t have Arthur stay over!” I said, jumping up from the couch and began to pace. “I think this will be good for you” Matthew said. “and if it makes you feel any better, I’m staying for the first hour!” He put his hand on my shoulder to stop my pacing.  
“Uggggghhhhhhh!” I said, face-planting into the couch. “I can’t do this!” I moaned (a/n hehe). “You can and you will! Now, we still have about half an hour until Arthur gets here. I want you to put on some clothes that don’t look like you are about to binge watch reality tv and not give a shit about life!” Matthew said, pulling me off the couch and pushing me up the stairs. As I walked up the stairs, I gave into my childish nature and stuck my tongue out at him.   
I pulled out a pair of comfortable jeans, a loose tank and s long sleeve shirt. I walked back downstairs and spun around for Matthew. “Better?” I asked. He nodded and patted the spot next to him. “Sit back down. Now, what do you think that you guys will be doing?” He asked. I thought about that for a second. “I don’t know! I’m not the one who invited him!” I exclaimed.   
Matthew rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, figure something out! Watch a movie or something!” He said. I grumbled a reply and sank into my spot on the couch. “Hmph.” I pulled out my phone and scrolled through tumblr for a bit. Matthew made himself comfortable and made some pancakes. We stayed in this routine until the doorbell rang, scaring the crap out of me.   
I stood up and opened the door, seeing Arthur standing on my porch, looking pretty awkward. “You didn’t answer your phone.” He said softly. I almost cracked a smile. “Hey Arthur,” a voice behind me said. There stood Matthew, holding his plate of pancakes and smiling the polite smile that he always has. “Hello Matthew,” Arthur said, stepping into my house. “I think Matthew explained what is going on?” Arthur asked. I nodded. “Yeah, you’re going to stay here for a few weeks.”   
Arthur nodded and looked me up and down. I noticed Matthew leave out of the corner of my eye, but I kept my gaze on Arthur. “I...I’m s-so so-sorry!” Arthur said, holding his hand up to his mouth and began to softly cry. I wrapped him in my arms and rested my head on his shoulder. “Thank you. I...I think this will take time to heal, though.” Arthur wrapped his arms around my waist and continued to cry into my shoulder. Hearing him in such pain broke me and I cried into his shoulder. He finally stopped crying and sat down on the couch.   
I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat. “Do you want anything to eat?” I asked. He shook his head and pulled out a book. I sat down next to him and looked at what he was reading. “The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Is it good?” I asked. Arthur huffed out a laugh. “Yes it is very good. You should read it.” Arthur said. “Maybe later. I can’t focus today. I wanna watch something.” I said. “Ok, what movie do you want to watch?” Arthur asked, taking me aback. Arthur almost never wants to watch movies with me.   
I was about to respond when Matthew walked in. “Hey Al, I know I said that I could stay for another hour but I just got a call from Francis and he needs me so I’ve got to go.” Matthew said, hugging me before running off. “Well, I guess it’s just us. Do you want to watch Captain America: The First Avenger?” I asked. Arthur nodded and settled into a more comfortable position on the couch. I sat on the other side of the couch after putting the DVD in. I blushed brightly as they introduced Peggy Carter, especially since she’s Steve’s love interest in the movie. I noticed Arthur shuffling around, trying to get comfortable.   
“Do you want to spread out?” I asked, blushing even more. “Um...sure.” Arthur said before hesitantly resting his head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around him and put my head on his. I felt a wave of ease wash over me. I wouldn’t admit it to Arthur, but I truly missed being able to hold him and him holding me. We stayed in that position until we both fell asleep watching the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to add a The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes reference because I love the book and BBC Sherlock so I made Arthur read it. Also, the Captain America thing is bc I was watching it recently and was like 'Oh yeah, Peggy is British' and then laughed at that.


	4. Sleep Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm now on Spring Break so there may be some unscheduled updates. Maybe, I don't know. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

Alfred’s POV  
After Arthur and I woke up from our unscheduled nap, it was very awkward in my house. I kept blushing every time I saw Arthur and he acted as if he were avoiding me. When I woke up, I came to the realization that I had a tiny bit of a crush on Arthur. I noticed how beautiful he looked when he sleeps and I began to wish to wake up to that face everyday.  
Lunch was the most awkward part of the day. I tried to eat in the living room, but Arthur scolded me and told me to eat in the dining room. That almost made me laugh, due to the fact that Arthur still sounds like a parent even after all this time. (A/N After all this time? Always.) We sat in silence for the entirety of lunch. We both ended up doing the dishes and it didn’t take long to develop a system of rinsing and putting the dishes in the washer at the fastest speed possible.  
I spent the rest of the day in my room, picking up where I left off in Captain America: The First Avenger, before moving on to start The Winter Soldier. As the sun began to set, I felt myself grow tired. I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth and put on pajamas before crawling into my bed. I stared at the ceiling for a bit, then I slowly let myself drift to sleep.  
\---In The Dream---  
I looked around and saw the familiar faces of all the countries. I walked over to where Kiku was standing. “Hey Japan!” I said excitedly. “Oh, hello Mr. America. I didn’t expect you’d be here.” Kiku said. I tilted my head, confused. “Why wouldn’t I?” I asked.   
“Amerika, are you that stupid?” A thick Russian accent said. Ivan walked up next to me. “You clearly are too weak to run your country, let alone help the world.” Ivan laughed darkly after he said that. I frowned. “You don’t know anything, commie!” I said, walking away to Matthew. “Ugh, Ivan’s so mean.” I said. Matthew didn’t smile at me. “No, you are the mean one. You don’t care what others think!” Matthew snapped. I gasped. “Mattie, bro, what?!” I exclaimed. “Just leave!” Matthew yelled.   
I stumbled backward and backed into Arthur. “You bloody git! Watch where you’re going!” Arthur scolded. “Mon ami, you know he can’t see more than himself!” Francis said, appearing beside Arthur. “I guess you’re right! He should just stay a sea length distance away from us.” Arthur said, a grin splitting across his face.  
I was ready to cry at this point. “What...what did I do?” I stuttered out. “Everything and nothing at once. You should just die.” Ivan pulled out his metal pipe and started to walk to me. “N-no. Pl-please no!” I cried. Ivan walked closer to me and then everything went black.

Arthur’s POV  
I felt extremely awkward at Alfred’s. When I woke up with his arms around me, I felt like I never wanted to leave. I decided that it would be best for us to not speak for a bit, so I decided to look around his house.   
Alfred was in his room, watching a movie, so I didn’t need to worry about him questioning my actions. I stumbled across a storage room and decided to go in. Most of the stuff was very old. The first thing I noticed was the suit that I got for Alfred. I smiled softly, remembering how great he looks in suits.   
The next thing was the toy soldier I made for him. I picked it up and held it in my hand. “Why did you leave?” I asked. I put the toy down and looked around the room some more. Most of it was older stuff from his colonial days. I was about to leave when my eyes fell on a gun.  
I picked the gun up and turned it over. When I saw the scratch that scarred the side of the gun, I almost dropped it. Memories of the war flashed through my mind. “Why Alfred? Why did you have to leave me? I thought that you’d come back!” I sobbed into the gun. I set the gun down and ran out of the room.   
I walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. My face was tear stained and blotchy. I grabbed a washcloth and wiped my face. Once I looked a little bit better, I left the bathroom. I realized I didn’t have anything do, so I decided to go to bed.   
When I lay down,I couldn’t get to sleep. I looked around my room, looking at the shadows that were being cast on the floor. I began to toss and turn, trying to get comfortable.   
I decided that letting my eyes ret would be better than forcing myself to sleep. I was almost asleep when I heard someone shout. I shot out of bed and ran into Alfred’s room. He was laying in bed, asleep, but sleep talking. He looked like he was in a lot of pain.   
I sat down on the bed next to him. I began to stroke his hair and shush him. He began to still and he finally looked calm. I was about to stand up when he mumbled, “Stay, please.” I smiled softly and pulled up the covers and lay down next to him.   
“What was your dream about?” I whispered to him. “I...I was in the world meeting room and everyone was being so mean. Mattie was saying that I was the mean on and Ivan tried to kill me. You and Francis were saying how it’s good that I’m across the sea from you guys and…” Alfred stopped short, tears falling from his eyes.   
I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around him. “I’m so sorry, Alfred. You wouldn’t have these dreams if we had taken time to consider your feelings.” I said. “We can talk more in the morning. It’s getting late, we should get back to sleep.” Alfred nodded and closed his eyes. I smiled and closed my eyes as well. This time, I didn’t have any trouble getting to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things.
> 
> A) There is more to Alfred's dream, but I might add it in later. I deleted it because I wanted to have it come up in a few chapters.
> 
> B) I have been listening to the Hamilton soundtrack all week, so I wanted to add some Revolutionary War stuff. Mostly because when I wrote this, I had What Comes Next stuck in my head. That's why they say 'sea' instead of 'ocean' due to the lyric "All alone, across the sea".


	5. Stay With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry that this wasn't posted earlier in the day. I had a sleepover with one of my best friends and she only just left. So, I decided that if I'm already late, I might spend more time working on this So yeah, I hope you like it.

Arthur’s POV

I woke up with my arms wrapped around a warm presence. I opened my eyes and blinked for a second, trying to adjust to the light that was pouring into the room. I looked to see who I was holding and I began to freak out internally. Why was I holding Alfred? Suddenly, the memories began to flood back into my mind.

I felt a pang of guilt as I looked back on the night before. I wished that I hadn’t caused Alfred such pain, but I reluctantly accepted that I can’t change the past. I released Alfred from my hold and began to gently wake him up. “Alfred, it’s time to wake up.” I said as I shook his shoulder. “5 more minutes!” Alfred said, rolling over. “No. It’s time to get up.” I said, pulling the pillow out from under his head. I whacked his head with it before shouting. “UP!” 

Alfred bolted up from the bed and grabbed the pillow next to him. He tackled me and began to hit me with the pillow. “Don’t” hit “you” hit “even” hit “try” hit “it!”. I rolled over and hit him upside the head. “You weren’t waking up.” I said, putting the pillow back on the bed. Alfred rolled his eyes and put his pillow back. 

I began to walk out of the room but Alfred grabbed my arm. He pulled me into a hug and rested his head on my shoulder. “Thank you,” he said. “For last night, I mean.” He squeezed me once more then let me go. “It’s no problem, really.” I said. I smiled at him then I walked out.

I walked downstairs and poured myself a bowl of cereal, which was the only dish I could actually make. I heard footsteps walk up behind me. “Wow, you actually made something without burning my house down.” Alfred joked. I rolled my eyes and walked over to the dining room table. “I’m not that bad of a cook.” I said. Alfred sat down across from me and began to eat. “I beg to differ.” He said, his mouth full of cereal.

“Don’t talk while you’re eating.” I scolded. Alfred blushed brightly and looked down. “I guess I forgot my manners when I left.” Alfred said softly. I felt a pang in my heart when he said that. “Yeah...I guess so.” I said, keeping my voice steady. “I do regret it, you know.” Alfred said. He said it so quietly, I almost thought that he didn’t even say anything. 

I let my spoon splash into the cereal as I walked over to Alfred. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and rested my head on my arms. “Why did you leave?” I asked, not caring that my voice broke as I said it. “My people were being put under stress from all of your taxes. Also, it was my people who fought in the 7 years war. We fought for land and then we were denied it. I would never have left if it was left up to me, but as my people’s opinion changed, so did mine.” Alfred said, pushing me off and standing up. 

“I’m so sorry.” I mumbled, looking down at my shoes. Alfred hugged me and rubbed my back. “You were just doing what you thought was right. Besides, I would have had to become my own country anyway. We just went through that process in a way that was more painful than it should have been.” Alfred said. I laughed, amused at his words. “I truly don’t understand why you can’t speak like that in front of the rest of the countries.” I asked, pulling away from his embrace. 

Alfred burst into a grin. “We all have our disabilities. Mine is public speaking. Yours is cooking. Matthew is perfect. It’s just who we are!” Alfred said. “What do you have against my cooking?” I exclaimed. “I don’t really have anything against it. I can’t really taste anything different from other foods. The real problem is that you set stuff on fire and I don’t want to have my house burnt down.” Alfred teased. “What do you mean you can’t taste anything different about it?” I asked. Normally, everybody tells me it’s horrible. “I grew up with it. I’m kind of used to it.” Alfred said. “Well, I’m done with breakfast. I’m going to go play some Call Of Duty.” Alfred said before running into the living room. 

I rolled my eyes and began to clean up the plates from breakfast. I decided to go up to my room and read until lunch. We ended up ordering pizza because Alfred didn’t let me cook and he wouldn’t leave his game. While Alfred and I didn’t spend time with each other today, it wasn’t like yesterday. Today it felt like we were in a comfortable silence, not avoiding each other. 

I ended up finishing my book around 8:30pm. I decided that I would make myself some chamomile tea to help me get to sleep. I also made a cup for Alfred. I didn’t want him to go through what he went through last night again. I walked into the living room, Alfred was still playing video games but he had switched to Assassin’s Creed. I sat down next to him and handed him the mug. “Here,” I said, “It’ll help you get to sleep easier.” I said. Alfred paused his game and took a sip. “It’s herbal.” I said. “It tastes good.” Alfred commented. 

He turned his game back on but he would still take sips of the tea. By 9 o’clock he was yawning and his eyes began to droop. “Come on,” I said, helping him up. “Let’s get you to bed.” Alfred made his way up the stair and I followed suit. As Alfred got changed into his pajamas, I pulled the covers down so that he could get into bed. I also walked out to get changed into my pajamas as well. 

When I came back, Alfred was laying in bed on his phone. “So, are you good?” I asked, ready to turn off the light. “Um… I was actually wondering if you could, you know, stay with me?” Alfred asked, putting his phone on the charger and setting it down. I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt before saying, “If it will help you.” I turned off the light and walked over. I pulled the cover over my body and I let myself sink into the bed. “Good night Alfred.” I mumbled, feeling sleepy. “Good night Arthur.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another chapter done. I felt like last chapter was really sad so I wanted to make this one a bit happier. Mostly because I've been ready angsty fanfics recently and it was very saddening.


	6. It's For Your Own Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I've gotten into a bad habit of writing all of this on the day I'm supposed to update this. Even so, I still am pretty proud of it. One more thing, I just finished my last fic, 6 Months and I'm writing a sequel(?) for it. I put a question mark because it's not after the events of 6 Months, it's just the story of a relationship that wasn't the main ship of the story. Does that make sense? So if you want to check that out, it will be up in a few days. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy.

Arthur’s POV

Throughout the rest of the week, we developed a routine of me joining Alfred in his bed at night. Most days he would still be shaking due to nightmares, but he wouldn’t wake up. I also learned that Alfred is a the opposite of a morning person but once he gets up, he turns back into his cheerful self. 

At the end of the week, Francis texted me to tell me about our ‘meeting’ today. I almost forgot that we had that. I wondered if he texted the others to tell them to come. I put my phone down and rolled over to start to wake Alfred up. “Alfie, you need to wake up.” I said, shaking him. “No!” Alfred said, slouching into the blankets. “You need to get up.” I said, getting out of bed. Alfred shook his head and pulled the blankets over his head. I rolled my eyes and pulled the blankets off the bed. “I’m taking these with me.” 

I dropped the blankets off in the laundry room in the basement before starting on breakfast. “That was mean.” Alfred said, grabbing his bowl of cereal. “You need to get better at getting up in the morning.” I said. “Oh by the way, I’m going out today from 9 to 12.” I said. “Oh?” Alfred asked. “Where are you going?” I paused for a second. I couldn’t tell him where I’m going but I couldn’t lie to him. “Oh, I need to grab something from Francis. He stole some of my stuff the last time we fought.” I said. I felt horrible for lying but it was for his own good.

“Ok. Don’t kill each other!” Alfred said, sounding cheerful. I raised my eyebrows. He shouldn’t be so accepting with my answer. What I told him sounded very vague. I shook it off, and put my bowl in the sink. I checked the clock as well. 8:27. “I should go get cleaned up.” I said, walking into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and hair then went up to my room to get dressed. 

When I finally was ready, it was 8:43. “Alfred! I’m taking off!” I yelled into the living room. “Ok. Don’t kill Francis!” Alfred called back. I got into my car and drove off to the meeting room. 

\---At The Meeting Room---

When I walked in, only Francis, Kiku, and Ivan were there. “Where is everyone else?” I asked. Francis looked up from his phone. “They’re not here yet.” I sat down and took out my phone. I didn’t really notice anyone come in until Francis tapped my shoulder. “So what did you find out? About America’s mental situation, I mean.” Francis asked. 

“He’s in a bad place. He keeps having horrible nightmares. They mostly consist of us not caring or trying to kill him.” I said. I remembered how much pain he was in the first night he had a nightmare. “Do you know anything else about his dreams?” Yao asked. I shook my head. “He won’t say anything in the morning and when he wakes up, the dream is still so fresh that if I ask, he starts crying.”

Ivan nodded. “That makes sense. If all of his problems are mental, then it’s no surprise that dreams would be a problem.” I nodded. “We have a world meeting next week. Do you think that America will be able to show up?” Ludwig asked. “Peut-être. I believe that if we inform everyone about his situation then the meeting will run smoothly.” Francis said. “But what if everyone one being so sympathetic will (A/N I don’t like writing accents)) make Mr. America feel weak?” Kiku said. I thought this over.

Knowing Alfred, being thought as weak is definitely something he hates. “If we tell everyone to act normal but still mindful of what they say, it would help him.” I suggested. Kiku nodded. “So, is there anything else we can do? I mean, America hasn’t really left his house for a week.” I said. I know America likes to do stuff other than stay on the living room and play video games. 

“If you are worried about him staying inside too much, I could invite him over for a movie marathon.” Kiku said. “Also, we could invite Francis for an anime marathon.” He continued. “I could send Prussia to get Denmark and go over.” Ludwig said. “Ok. Well, I think that’s all that we can do.” I said. “Well, we should head out then.” Francis said. “So, will you inform everyone about America’s current state?” I asked Ludwig. “Yes. I’ll just put that information in the text that will tell people about the location and time of the next meeting.” I nodded. “Thank you. Well, I’ll see you all next week.”

Alfred’s POV

I don’t understand why Arthur lied to me. He would never willingly go to Francis’ house. When he left, I grabbed the keys to my car and followed him. He had driven to the meeting room. I parked my car a few blocks away so that if anyone else came to the meeting room, they wouldn’t tell Arthur about me. 

I remembered that Arthur said that he would be gone from 9 to 12 so when the clock struck 9, I walked in. The door was closed and I put my ear against it. “Do you know anything else about his dreams?” I heard Yao say. I frowned. “He won’t say anything in the morning and when he wakes up, the dream is still so fresh that if I ask, he starts crying.” Arthur replied. my jaw dropped. They were talking about me. 

I stepped away from the door and ran back to my car. I hated that Arthur had to lie to go tell everyone else about things that are personal to me. I drove back home and locked myself in my room. I took out my phone and called Matthew. “Hey bro. Can you come over?” I asked, my voice shaking. “Yeah sure. Are you ok?” Matthew said. “I just need to talk to you.” I said, fiddling with the hem of my shirt. “Ok. I’ll be over soon.” I hung up and put my phone in my pocket. I unlocked the door and went downstairs. I turned on the tv and let myself get lost in the show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peut-être - Maybe ~ French


	7. Believe Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know this is a few hours late and technically it is Sunday not Saturday, but it is around 12 am so I'm considering it Saturday still. Anyway, I was super busy today and I had a school and a concert yesterday so I couldn't write this until now. I hope you enjoy.

Alfred’s POV

Matthew got to my house fairly quickly. When he got there, he looked out of breath. “You worried me.” Matthew said, coming in. I turned the t.v. off and walked over to him. I hugged him and buried my head in his neck. “Are you ok?” Matthew asked. I shook my head.

“Arthur’s a liar.” I said. Matthew squeezed me and let me go. “I’ll make pancakes and you can tell me about what happened.” He said, walking into the kitchen. Matthew started to make the batter and I sat on the counter top. “I’ve been having horrible nightmares and Arthur’s been helping me get to sleep. That would be fine and all if he didn’t lie to me and say that he was going to Francis’ to grab something that Francis stole from him when he was actually going to a meeting room and telling everyone about my nightmares.” I said, lifting my legs up to my chest.

“I doubt that’s reason he went.” Matthew said. I shook my head. “I heard them talking about it.” I said. I hopped down from the counter and began to pace. “But why should I care? I only need you. You care and no one else does!” I said, laughing. Matthew put the ingredients down and turned to face me. “It’s not only me that cares, Alfred.” He said, putting his hands on my shoulders. “Oh really? Then where is everyone else? It’s only been you and Arthur who have come to see me. Now, Arthur goes to laugh about my weakness with everyone else. So tell me, are you really not the only one?” I asked. 

I only realized that I was crying when Matthew wiped away my tears. “Everyone cares for you. Please believe me.” Matthew said. He pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back. “I know you feel like they don’t, but they do.” Matthew began to work on his pancakes again and I sat down at the table. I thought pulled out my phone and began to play a game. 

Matthew walked over to the table with a stack of pancakes and two plates. “Thanks bro!” I said. I dug into Mattie’s pancakes. “They taste delicious, as always.” I praised. “Thanks Al.” Matthew said. Once we were finished, I put my plates up and told Matthew I was going up to my room. “If Arthur comes home, can you talk to him?” I asked. Matthew nodded and began to wash the dishes. 

I walked up to my room and changed back into my pajamas. I climbed back into bed and quickly fell asleep. 

\---POV CHANGE---

Arthur’s POV

When I got back to Alfred’s, I was surprised to find Matthew washing up in the kitchen. “Matthew? What are you doing here?” I asked. Matthew turned around, frowning. “Alfred called me.” He said bluntly. I was confused. Matthew is normally so nice and polite. Now he seems angry. “Are you ok?” I asked. 

Matthew set the dish he was washing down and walked over to me. “I’m peachy. My brother is the one in pain.” He said. I stepped back. I knew Matthew can be scary, but I didn’t think it was to this extent. “W-why?” I asked.

“Oh, it might be because you went to a meeting to tell everyone about his weaknesses.” Matthew said. I sputtered. “It’s not like that!” I said. “We were trying to make sure that the next meeting will be a safe place for him. Everyone just needed to know what he’s going through to help. It was only me, Ivan, Francis, Yao, Kiku, Feliciano and Ludwig.” I explained.

Matthew’s gaze softened. “Oh ok. You still shouldn’t have lied.” He said, waving a ladle at me. I relaxed. “I know, but I couldn’t tell him.” I said. “Where is Alfred anyway?” I asked. “He’s upstairs taking a nap. I’m going to head out now. Can you tell him I left when he wakes up?” Matthew said. I nodded and hugged him. “See you soon?” I asked. Matthew nodded and walked out to his car.

I stood in the kitchen for a bit, not sure of what to do. I decided to go upstairs, to see if Alfred was actually asleep. When I walked into his room, I noticed him tossing and turning in his bed. I ran over to him, shaking his arm. “Alfred! ALFRED!” I yelled. He woke up and sat up.

He was panting and I felt his body still shaking. He turned to me and his gaze turned to stone. “What are you doing here?” He snarled. I backed away from his bed. “Helping you.” I said. “Don’t you want to go with everyone else and laugh about me?” He said, glaring at me. I shook my head. “We were just trying to make sure next week’s meeting will be a safe place for you. They needed to know what you are going through to make sure that next week will go smoothly.” I said.

Alfred crossed his arms. “How can I believe you? You could just be making that up.” I sat next to him. “Please, believe me!” I begged. “But how can I?” “WHY CAN’T YOU?” “YOU HAVEN’T GIVEN ME A REASON TO!” “HOW ABOUT THIS?” I kissed him. 

I felt my mind explode when my lips met his. His body went lax before he began to kiss me back. I continued to kiss him until we had to separate for air. “So…” I said, panting. “Do you believe me now?” I asked. Alfred kissed me again. “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw yeah, they kissed. I had to, it was killing me not making them official yet. But if you think this make the story less angsty, you are clearly mistaken.


	8. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Yeah, I know I skipped last week! I'm sorry. I meant to type it up and publish this chapter later in the week, but I have been swamped with school work. I had a benchmark on Monday, I had to study a bunch of words for Spanish on Tuesday, Wednesday I had to go choose classes for next year and that lasted until 8. Thursday, I didn't have anything, I just took a nap :P. And then yesterday I spent the night at my friends house and I didn't have any peace to write. Anyway, enough excuses, here's the chapter.

Alfred’s POV 

I felt my anger dissipate as Arthur kissed me. “So… do you believe me now?” Arthur asked. I smiled and kissed him again. “Yes.” I wrapped my arms around him. He leaned into me, and rested his hands on my hips. “So, what does this make us?” Arthur asked. I chuckled. “Well, I would hope this makes us boyfriends.” I kissed his forehead and he nodded. “Boyfriends. I like it.” 

Arthur kissed me again and pushed me back onto the bed. I smiled into the kiss. Arthur began to slip his hands up my shirt. I panicked and pushed him off. “No, please don’t,” I begged. Arthur frowned. “Are you ok?” He asked. “I just don’t want to do that yet!” I said. Arthur shrugged it off and got up. “Ok. Well, I was wondering what you wanted for dinner.” He said. I shrugged, “whatever works.” I said.

Arthur kissed me one more time and walked out. I let go of the the breath I didn’t know I was holding. I love Arthur, and I know he loves me, but I just can’t trust him enough to do that. If he feels like he needs to keep secrets from me, then I don’t know if I’m willing to go that far,

I got out of bed and changed back into my day clothes. I brushed my hair and walked down to the living room. I was about to pick out a video game when my phone buzzed.

Matthew: Hey! So did Arthur tell you why he was out?

Alfred: Yeah he did. Did you know?

Matthew: I ran into him as he came back home. I may have scared him a bit, but you know.

Alfred: Haha, thanks bro but that won’t be needed. ;)

Matthew: O rlly? And what does that winky face mean?

Alfred: It means that I just kissed and became boyfriends with Arthur Kirkland.

Matthew: Congrats, but I don’t need to know the details.

Alfred: Don’t worry, nothing happened. 

Matthew: That’s surprising. Why not?

Alfred: I don’t know if I can trust him yet. While I believe his story about why he went out, he still kept it from me. 

Matthew: I understand. Though you should try to work through it. It won’t be a healthy relationship if you don’t trust each other. 

Alfred: I know. I’ve got to go. It’s dinner time.

Matthew: Ok bye!

I put my phone down and walked into the dining room. Arthur was placing the food on the table and, surprisingly, it didn’t look burnt. “Wow, you actually managed to cook something!” I said. Arthur glared at me. “I’ll have you know I am actually good at making certain foods. Like fish and chips.” He said, gesturing to the food. I laughed and walked over to my seat. Arthur sat across from me and waited for me to try it.

I put the first bite in my mouth, expecting the worst, but I was surprised to find that it actually tasted good. “Wow.” I said, taking another bite. “Do you like it?” Arthur asked, starting on his food. “Yes actually. Do the others know you can cook?” I asked. “No. They are too scared to try it.” He said. “Well, they have a point!” I said.

Arthur laughed and we lapsed into a comfortable silence. Arthur broke it by asking, “Why didn’t you want to go farther?” I paused, thinking about how to answer that. “Please don’t hate me but even though I know why you had to lie, I still feel like I can’t trust you enough if you lie to me. I’m sorry.” I said, slouching in my chair. Arthur frowned and walked over to me. I waited for him to yell but it never came. 

Arthur’s arms wrapped around me and I buried my head in his shoulder. “You don’t have to be sorry. I know I shouldn’t have lied.” He said. “If you want to wait, that’s perfectly fine.” I hugged him back and held on to him like my life depended on it. “Why do you hug like I’m going to leave?” Arthur asked.

“Because you did.” I mumbled. Arthur pushed back and looked into my eyes. “What do you mean?” He exclaimed. “When I was younger, you would leave for years. I needed you then. I don’t want to lose you now.” I said, tears streaming down my face. “Alfred, what happened when I was gone?” Arthur said, holding my face. “Have you heard of yellow fever?” I asked. Arthur gasped. “There were a few outbreaks when you were gone. The worst came after I became independent, but by then I knew how to handle it. Matthew tried to help me through it.” I said. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Arthur said, he was crying now. “I tried, but you didn’t stay.” I said. “Were there any other diseases?” I thought for a second. “Smallpox and Malaria were also there.” I said. I tried to curl up into a ball. I remembered the death toll of yellow fever and the pain that I was in. Matthew stayed by me throughout it. I remember calling out for Arthur, but he never came. 

“If you need me, please call me. I don’t want you to go through that again.” Arthur pleaded. “I know, I’ll try. I’m just used to relying on no one but Matthew.” I said. “It doesn’t have to be like that.” Arthur said. “It feels like it.” I replied. “I know that we said some horrible things, but you have to know that we still love and care for you.” Arthur said. I nodded. I felt very sleepy.

“Can we talk more about this tomorrow? I’m getting tired. Arthur nodded. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I recently thought about the book Fever 1793 and then I remembered the headcanon about the outbreaks in Colonial America and this happened. I did double check what outbreaks happened and then I got a bit sidetracked. That's why this is a tad shorter than normal.


	9. Our Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this part is going to be fluffy because I had a good day today and I just don't want to write angst. I went to see Captain America: Civil War and I just can't handle angsty stuff right now because literally, that movie messed me up! Also I got some books, like This Book Is Gay and I'm happy about that. Enough about me, on to the story.

Arthur’s POV

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Alfred hadn’t left. I remember the pain that I went through. I remember the feel of the rain as it fell. I remember hearing Francis trying to comfort me, but I did end up punching him because he helped Alfred leave. I remember it all. The only time I ever try to talk about it is when I’m drunk. 

This is the first time I’m glad Alfred. If he had stayed, I would have thought of him as my little brother forever. I wouldn’t be able to wake up in his arms and spend my days with him. I know I won’t forget the pain I went through, but I won’t hold it against him anymore.

Today, we decided to go on a date. Alfred is taking me to a nice restaurant in New York City. After dinner, we are going to walk around the city at night. Alfred told me that the lights of the city are beautiful at night. 

I decided to go back to my house so that I could grab a nice outfit. I decided that I would downplay my normal attire, but still look like I put some thought into my outfit. My outfit consisted out a nice button-up, some black jeans, a jacket, and a scarf for good measure. I drove back to Alfred’s at 6 so I could get there by 6:30. 

“Hey,” Alfred said, opening the door. “Wow, you look...amazing.” He said, blushing brightly. I smiled and looked him up and down. Alfred did the opposite of me, he dressed up a bit. He also decided on button-up but he covered it with a sweater so you could see only part of the tie that he was wearing, and some jeans. “You look great too.” I said.

Alfred smiled and offered me his hand. “So, shall we?” I accepted his hand and nodded. Alfred walked me to his car and opened the door for me. “I understand that you’re trying to be romantic, but I can open the doors myself.” I said, rolling my eyes. Alfred blushed and walked over to his side. 

“So what restaurant are we going to?” I asked. “Oh, it’s this nice little Italian place that I know. I also know of a nice French restaurant, but I didn’t think you’d be into that.” Alfred said. “If you took me to a restaurant that has frog food, I would dump you.” I said. Alfred laughed and I realized how much more relaxed he sounds than when he’s at the meetings. I’ll keep that in mind.

It took us about 20 minutes to get to the restaurant and we were seated by 7:10. The waiter brought us some water and Alfred ordered us a bottle of wine. “You know, I haven’t been out to a nice restaurant in a very long time.” I commented. Looking over the menu. “Well, I’m glad we changed that.” Alfred replied, looking over his menu at me. 

We just ordered some pasta, Alfred telling me that we should rub the fact that we ate pasta without Feliciano in his face the next time we see him. I told him no but some part of me thinks that he will still do it.

“So,” Alfred began. “I haven’t been able to ask how you’ve been since… you know.” He said, setting his wine glass down. “Oh, I’ve been ok I guess. I mean, I lost my empire and I had to stand the teasing of that frog, but other than that, I guess I’ve been ok. The war did shake me up, but I now realize that it was for the better.” I said. Alfred smiled. 

“I’m glad. You know, I honestly thought you hated me after the war.” He said. I was surprised. I know I fought with him and I know stuff like the War of 1812 didn’t help my case, but I never hated him. 

“Why?” I asked. “Oh, mostly because of the fighting. I thought that when I left, I made you mad enough that you still hated me, even almost 250 years later. I also thought that you had the right to hate me.” Alfred said sheepishly. 

I set down my fork and reached my hand across the table to hold Alfred’s. “Don’t you ever think that I hated you. I never will. Yes, the war caused me pain, but if I truly hated you, I wouldn’t be with you today. “ I kissed his hand before releasing it and picking up my utensils to eat some more. 

Alfred smiled but didn’t say anything. The rest of the meal consisted of small talk, some very stupid jokes - “A toothless termite walks into a bar and asks ‘Is the bar tender here?’”- and just laughing at our own stupidity. We ended up leaving around 8:30 and Alfred looked like he was buzzing with excitement. 

“So what was it that you wanted to show me?” I asked. “We’re going to the Empire State Building observatory deck.” Alfred said, stepping out into the street to call a taxi. The taxi ride lasted about 10 minutes and when we got out, Alfred ran right to the elevator. “Wait! Don’t we need tickets?” I asked, running after him. “No, the guys here know me!” Alfred said. 

We got into the elevator and the doors closed and we started the ride up. The ride took a small amount of time, but it was longer than a normal ride. When we got off and onto the deck, I gasped. The lights across the city were breathtaking. I could hear the busy streets below us, but it seemed so small. 

“This is beautiful,” I said, keeping my eyes fixed on the sight before me. “I knew you would like it.” Alfred said, taking my hand. “Like it? I love it. This has been an amazing date. Thank you.” I said, kissing his cheek. Alfred laughed and looked out over the city. 

“Do you know why I wanted to come here?” He asked. I shook my head. “I thought about the fact that the way that we got together was in my darkest hour. While it was dark, we found something beautiful. I think this represents it perfectly.” Alfred said. 

I didn’t know what to say. His words were so beautiful and perfectly crafted that the idea of saying something made me scared to ruin the moment. I decided against saying anything at all and I leaned into Alfred’s chest. I looked out at the skyline of the city and for once, I felt peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't let me listen to sappy romance songs while writing. Honestly, this might be the mushiest chapter I have ever written.


	10. The Next Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was sleeping over at a friend's house last Saturday and I spent the week reviewing for my Math SOL that I had to take yesterday so I'm sorry I skipped last week. This chapter is a little bit shorter than the others, just because my brain is totally fried from the SOL.

Alfred’s POV

Later that week, I had to go to my first meeting since the meltdown. I had to admit, I was very worried about going. I know Arthur told everyone to be a bit nicer, but that won’t stop everyone. Most importantly, it won’t stop my stage fright.

I got up earlier than normal and grabbed my bomber jacket and the outfit I always wear to the meetings. “Why don’t you ever dress up?” Arthur asked, rubbing his eyes. “I didn’t want to as a colony and it just kind of stuck. Honestly, I hate suits. If the meetings were special occasions, I’d dress up. But since we have them almost weekly, I don’t.” I replied. 

“Well, that makes sense, but still, it is customary to wear a uniform from your country.” I rolled my eyes. “Dude! It’s the air force!” I said. “Not like it is today, but still!” Arthur looked like he was going to say something but then closed his mouth. 

Breakfast went by pretty fast. We had to eat a bit quicker because we kept stopping to have conversation in the morning. We got to the meeting room a few minutes before the meeting was about to start.

“I don’t think I can do this!” I whispered as we got to the door. “You’ll be fine. You’re not presenting this week, you just need to nod your head and agree. Please, try not to get into any fights!” Arthur said, making sure my tie was straight. I took a deep breath and walked into the meeting room.

When I walked in, everyone turned to look at me. I felt small, stepping back a bit to be closer to Arthur. Francis walked up to me, a big smile on his face. “Ah, Amérique! Welcome back!” He hugged me tightly and I heard Arthur snarl behind me. “That’s enough frog!” He growled. “Oh, Angleterre. I’m just giving him a proper welcome.” “A proper welcome my ass!” “Oui, it is proper. Unlike you I actually…” They began to fight, so I stepped away to greet more people. 

“Hey Japan!” I said walking over to him. “Oh, hello Mr. America. Are you feeling better?”Kiku asked, smiling slightly. “Yeah, I am. Thanks for asking.” I said. “I’m glad. What have you been up to this week?” He asked, stepping away a bit, seeing that France and England had moved their fight closer to us. 

“Not much. Though I did go on a date with England earlier this week!” I said, remembering the date. I need to plan our next one. Kiku looked like Christmas had come early when I told him about the date. “Oh? And how did that go?” He said, trying to stay calm. “It was nice. We went out to dinner, we walked around New York City, and I took him to the top of the Empire State Building to show him the lights of the city at night.” I said, a soft smile gracing my lips.

Kiku grinned and it looked like he was stopping himself from shaking. “That sounds very nice.” He said. “Would you mind if I told Ms. Hungary about this?” He asked. I shook my head. “Be my guest! Why though?” I asked. “Oh no reason.” Japan said. He turned around and basically ran to Hungary, who listened to what he said before letting out a squeal and began to jump up and down. 

I shook my head and continued to talk to people. Toris and Feliks both came up to me and asked how I was doing. Feliciano hugged me and asked what I’ve done this week, before he was pulled away by Ludwig, who said he was glad that I was back. Even Ivan came over and said he was glad I was back, though his tone of voice made it sound less sincere. 

When the meeting started, it was Yao’s turn to present. I didn’t say much as he talked about the topic that had arisen this week, I just listened intently. I did feel myself start to freak out at one point, but Arthur took my hand and calmed me down. 

After the meeting, I talked to a few more people before walking over to Matthew. “Hey bro!” I said, hugging him. “Oh hello Alfred! How was your first meeting since...you know?” He asked, “Eh, I did freak out a little, but for the most part, it went better than expected.” I said. Matthew smiled. “I’m glad. I was worried that this would be too triggering for you.” Matthew commented. I rubbed my neck. “Honestly, I was too. I’m just glad I didn’t start crying.” Matthew hugged me one more time.

“Oh, can you come over today?” I asked. Matthew shook his head. “I’m actually going out with Gilbert today. Will you be free tomorrow? And if you say ‘I’m always free’, I will personally kill you.” Matthew threatened. I laughed. “Yeah, I’m free tomorrow. And, you know me so well!” I said. 

“Do I need to give the ‘Hurt my brother, I’ll kill you’ speech to Gilbert?” I asked. Matthew shook his head. “He already knows. And besides, I don’t think he’s the type of person to do something like that.” Matthew said, looking at Gilbert, who was in conversation with Antonio and Francis. “You really like him, don’t you?” I said. Matthew blushed and nodded, “I do.” I hugged him one more time before walking off to Arthur. 

“So, are you ready to go home? I know I am.” I said. Arthur nodded. “See, this wasn’t so bad.” Arthur walked us back to the car and got into the passenger side. When I got into the driver’s seat, he rested his head on my shoulder. “I’m proud of you, you know that?” He mumbled. “Thanks Artie!” I said. I kissed his head and started the drive back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I wanted to do some angst but I couldn't. I guess that's ok!


	11. Hey Guys!

So I have decided that I will be updating every other Saturday. I have sever writer's block and I'm almost done with the school year. I will be updating more often over summer break. Well, maybe not in late June bc I will be in Paris and I won't have my computer. I hope you understand. I will be updating next Saturday.

~Kati


	12. On My Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been listening to my Hamilton/Les Mis playlist on repeat for a few days. Also some Hetalia amvs. This really isn't based off On My Own, but I think it works for a title. Also, one more week of school! Yay!

Alfred’s POV

Arthur went back home a few days after our last meeting. We decided that now that we know that he is only a phone call away, I can just call him when I need him. We’ve gone on a few dates recently. It was much easier starting a conversation, seeing as we now have more things to talk about.

While it does help me move on from what happened, it does hurt. I was used to waking up in the morning with Arthur next to me. I guess everyone has to move on at some point, but knowing that he’s not with me anymore makes me remember what happened after the war. When I became independent, I stayed out of international politics for quite awhile. When I got back into doing meetings and working with other nations, I started fighting with Arthur. He was still mad after all that time.

I’m scared that I will go back to being alone and then when I go back to who I used to be, Arthur will be mad. I decided to call Francis to get his opinion. “Hey Francis, could you come over?” I asked as he answered the phone. “Oui, I will. Why?” Francis asked. “I just need some love advice.” I said, twiddling my fingers. “You called the right person. I’ll be over in 10 minutes.” Francis hung up the phone and I turned the t.v., watching some brainless show.

Francis was true to his word and he arrived 10 minutes after I called him. “So what’s bothering you, mon cher?” Francis asked, turning off the television. “I’m not your dear, but I need some advice about Arthur.” I admitted. “Oh, so you two are dating?” I nodded. “He went back to his house recently, and even though we’ve gone on dates and stuff, I’m just scared that we will drift apart like after the revolutionary war.” I explained.

Francis patted my back. “Angleterre is a difficult person to love. He will seem very distant and can get mad very easily. My advice is make sure that he understands that you do love him. It’s not a crime to want some alone time, just make sure you spend time with him when you can.”

I nodded slowly. I took a deep breath. “Can I tell you something?” I asked quietly. “Anything.” I looked down at my hands, resting in my lap. “I’m scared that this is just an act. I’m scared that Arthur will go back to insulting me and we’ll just go round and round like we used to.” I felt some tears fall from my eyes. “He always left. I just left him so that I could be closer to him. He never understood that. I don’t want to lose him again.” My voice cut off and I started to sob.

Francis pulled me into a hug, stroking my hair and saying comforting words. “He wouldn’t do that. He broke down when you finally told everyone how you felt. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.” I buried my head into his chest and cried some more. “Come on, if you’re going to cry, at least have a better reason. Let’s watch Les Miserables.” Francis put the movie on and I started to feel better.

Arthur’s POV

I don’t want to go back to my house. I know that it will help Alfred’s mental state, but I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want a repeat of the war. I’ve been pacing around my house the past few days. I debated calling Francis, but there was no way I would ever ask him for help.

I finally decided to call someone who is very close to Alfred. Matthew. I invited Matthew over just after lunch. “Hey Arthur. Is everything ok?” Matthew asked. “Do you think that Alfred will drift away from me now that I’ve come back home?” I asked, getting straight to the point.

Matthew smiled slightly. “Are you scared because you guys drifted apart after the war?” Matthew questioned. I nodded sheepishly. “Well, did you know why Alfred wanted freedom in the first place?” Matthew said.

Huh, I guess I never thought about why he did it. “Yes, please tell me.” I took a deep breath, preparing myself. “He wanted to be closer to you.” My face twisted into a look of confusion. “Why would be become independent if he wanted to be closer?” I asked. “You left him for long periods of time. If he was independent, he could visit you whenever he wanted!” Matthew explained.

It made sense. He would be his own country, so he could come over whenever he wanted. “Why didn’t he tell me?” I asked quietly. “He’s tried. It’s just, he has trouble expressing himself sometimes. You can see that he bottles it up for long periods of time.” Matthew said. I nodded.

“What do you think I should do?” I asked. “I think you should go over, explain that you won’t drift away. That he can be with you when he wants to.” Matthew suggested. I stood up, Matthew doing the same. “Thank you Matthew. You really helped.” I hugged him. Matthew smiled and hugged back. “It’s no problem. I want you and my brother to be happy.” Matthew let himself out of the house, leaving me by myself.

I decided that I would go over to Alfred’s tomorrow. I want to make sure everything is perfect. I don’t want to mess up what I want to say, then have Alfred leave me. I don’t know if I could take another heartbreak.

I planned out what I was going to say, making sure to have backup plans just incase he doesn’t react the way I wanted to. I decided to text him to make sure he knows I’m coming.

Arthur: Hey, can I come over tomorrow?

Alfred: Sure! I was thinking about asking you actually.

I smiled. He still wants to see me.

Arthur: Does 3:30 work for you?

Alfred: 3:30 is perfect. See ya tomorrow!

Arthur: :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you that I would update this Saturday! Oh yeah, I can stay true to my promises! Also, I did slip in a Hamilton reference.


	13. Hey!

So there will not be an update tomorrow, I will be on a plane to Paris. I will not have my computer while I am in Paris so the next update will be either the 27 or the 28 depending on how jet lagged I am. :)


	14. Childish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back from Paris and I'm ready to write. I didn't have my computer with me so the past week has been torture not being able to write down my ideas, even if they don't get published. But I am back now and I get to have an entire day to write. Now onto the chapter.

Alfred’s POV

At 2:30 I started to run around my house, making sure that everything was in it’s proper place and stored away for when Arthur comes over. I put on some comfortable clothes and sat down in the living room, waiting for the doorbell to ring. Arthur arrived right on time, though he did seem a bit troubled. 

“Hey love,” Arthur said, kissing me on the cheek. “Hi babe. Are you ok?” I asked. “Yeah, I’m just a bit distracted.” I nodded. “Well I need to talk to you.” I said,. “Can we sit down?” Arthur asked. When we sat down on the couch, I took a deep breath. 

“Arthur, I’m scared.” I mumbled. “I know. I am too.” Arthur rubbed my back and I leaned into his touch. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to fight anymore. I just want to be with you.” I rested my head on his shoulder. Arthur was silent for a bit. “Why didn’t you tell me the real reason you became independent?” He finally said. 

I sat back up and looked at Arthur. “How did you find out?” I asked. “I talked to Matthew yesterday. He told me to come over and talk to you because I was scared of drifting apart. He told me about why you left.” He explained. “Oh. I tried to tell you. I just… couldn’t. I was scared that you wouldn’t understand. I know that the war hurt you a lot. It hurt me too.” 

Arthur hugged me and cried on my shoulder. “Why is our relationship so sad?” I asked. Arthur let out a small laugh and looked back up at me. “Dating other nations. It creates a lot of problems.” Arthur started laughing and I joined him. “Our relationship may be a bit rocky but we do have our moments of happiness, don’t we?” I leaned down and kissed away Arthur’s tears. 

“Ok, I don’t want to spend the entire day crying.” Arthur said, standing and pulling me up with him. “Let’s go take a walk to the park.” Arthur suggested. “Ugh, but we’d have to go outside. Can’t we just binge watch something on netflix?” I whined. Arthur looked unimpressed. “No. We’re not even exercising. We’re taking a nice romantic stroll into the park. Let’s go.” Arthur pushed me out the door and locked it behind him. 

“See, it’s nice this time of year. It’s not too sticky, and it’s very warm and sunny.” Arthur held my hand in his. “I guess you’re right. But if you make me run, I’m going home.” I warned. “Ok, ok. No physical exertion. Not that it’s needed.” Arthur laughed as he said that and I felt my heart melt watching his face light up. 

I kept my eyes on him, not saying anything. “Why are you staring at me? Do I have something on my face?” Arthur reached up and touched his face. “No,” I said, pulling his hand away. “I just like it when you smile.” I said. Arthur blushed and looked away. “Shut up.” He muttered. “Nope. You’re stuck with me. Sappiness and all.” I wrapped one arm around his shoulder. Arthur kept his scowl on his face but he didn’t push my arm away.

We made it to the park and I immediately pulled us over to the playground by the large pine trees. “Do you want to go to the playground?” I asked. “No! That’s for kids!” Arthur exclaimed. “Well I’m going to go. Follow me if you want!” I said, skipping off to the slides. 

“Sometimes you act like a child.” Arthur called up to me. “Sometimes?” I asked, sliding down. I’ll admit, the slide was very hot and the screws kept getting stuck on my shirt, but it was still fun. “Come on. Get on the slide.” I whined. Arthur rolled his eyes and began to climb the small ladder. He sat down and crossed his arms. I pushed him down and watched as he slid down.

Arthur went down very slowly and kept a neutral expression and his arms crossed. His button up t-shirt snagged on the screws and his pants started to ride up. “That wasn’t fun.” Arthur said, getting off the slide. “That’s because you’re doing it wrong!” I exclaimed. 

I held onto the bar and pushed my legs down the slide, sliding down much faster than Arthur. At the end of the slide I few up and crashed into Arthur. Arthur toppled over and I landed on top of him. I leaned down and kissed him, pulling back quickly to laugh. Arthur pushed me off of him, which only made me laugh harder. 

“I need to sit down.” He said. “There are swings over there.” I pointed to the blue swing set that was across from the slide. Arthur walked over at sat down on the small swing set. He sat there and began to swing. (A/N I never thought about what to call swinging on the swing set until today.) I walked over at sat on the swing next to him. 

“Let’s have a ‘How High Can You Swing’ competition. Loser makes dinner.” I suggested. “You’re on.” Arthur said. I pushed my legs of the ground and began to swing. Arthur had an advantage on me but I quickly caught up to him. “I’m not losing this, Jones!” Arthur yelled. “Well prepare to, ‘cause I’m going to win!” I yelled. Arthur reached out and pushed me. “Hey! That’s cheating!” I yelled. I kept the swing steady with one hand and pushed Arthur with the other. He pushed me again, making me lose my balance and fall off. 

Falling off didn't hurt, but I did get a face full of mulch. “I win. You make dinner.” Arthur said, jumping off the swing. “I wouldn’t want you making dinner anyway.” I stuck my tongue out at him. Arthur rolled his eyes and helped me up. “Come on, love. Let’s go home.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost didn't update today. I've been working on a drawing, but then I was like, "I promised I would update." I also have a poster of Sherlock on my door and I felt like he was judging me so...

**Author's Note:**

> This will be updated every Saturday.


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